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Making the right choice is not always easy, neither is the easy choice always right. Everything is about figuring out the ideal balance between holding on and letting go. This is true when it comes to our loved ones, or the ones we think we love.
When a relationship has run its course, we eventually must let that person go. This means cutting all ties you have with them for good. Even if you love them unconditionally or they have a special place in your heart, you should accept that this person isn’t right for you once you figure this out.
It may not be straightforward because, in relationships, we dedicate a lot of our emotions, time, and energy to maintain it. The more we devote ourselves to the relationship, the more challenging it is to let go. We may hesitate to let go because we fear being alone or the unknown.
While there are many reasons, it only boils down to one outcome: living unhappily. Letting go is acceptance. It’s knowing that you are better off without this person having immediate access to you.
With acceptance, you can remove any attention and energy on that person and save it for things you will enjoy and can relax. Moreover, letting go can save a lot of pain and help you move on.
If you experience one or more of these signs, it’s most likely time to accept that you need to let go.
1. You are not acting like yourself
If you regularly pretend to be someone you are not, fearing your partner may judge or misunderstand you, then this person is not the right one for you. A true partner should accept your flaws and work to compromise with you, so they are the last person you should be wearing a façade in front of.
Ask yourself these two questions: Do you like who you are around this person? Are you really “you” in front of this person? If one of the answers is “no”, you may be compromising yourself and catering to your partner’s whims in the name of peace.
2. You keep making excuses for them
While it’s common to see through rose-tinted glasses when it comes to the objects of our affection, it may regularly lead to excusing unforgivable behaviour. For example, some may deny that their significant other is a narcissist.
However, others may ask if that person had to be a narcissist before they would leave the relationship. After all, if they are waiting for that, they are walking towards destruction.
A less extreme example would be when people may go through “selective memory”, where they rarely remember the terrible times and cling to the brief, happy moments. If this is preventing you from having objective reasoning, it’s dangerous.
Moreover, if you find yourself making excuses as to why you are neglected and trying to justify them in front of your family and friends, it’s a sign that you’re letting your partner pull the wool over your eyes.
3. The relationship is draining
Aside from your behaviour around your partner, it’s also advisable to note how they make you feel. If you feel uncomfortable or drained when spending time with them, it may be better to leave the relationship.
They are draining your energy if you dread their presence or need extra time to recharge after hanging out with them. After all, being around the person you love should bring you warmth, happiness and make you feel enthusiastic. They should never feel like doing a difficult task from a job.
If you are in a relationship that constantly makes you feel like you have worked two jobs and need some “me time”, you are indeed dating the wrong person.
4. There is more giving than taking on your end
Receiving the bare minimum from your significant other is insufficient, at least if you aim for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. A happy relationship is based on equal give-and-take.
If you do the hard work alone to keep up the relationship, you’ll likely become resentful and frustrated. After all, you gave more attention and care than they gave you, making you feel unimportant and needy, when that was not the case.
Some signs of an unequal give-and-take relationship include:
- You question how much your partner loves and cares for you
- You feel unfulfilled and emotionally drained
- You resent your partner for not giving you the same as you give them
If you’re only getting crumbs from your partner, it’s probably better to move on to someone who would show generosity and kindness to you.
5. You often fight with each other
Suppose all attempts to communicate as adults fail, and you end up fighting and arguing. In that case, this may indicate that both of you do not understand each other and are incompatible. Alternatively, it can mean a lot of pent-up anger and frustration.
While it is true that controlling your temper is essential, sometimes, our partner just crosses the line or pushes too many of your buttons. Simply put, if a relationship is causing more hardship and heartbreak, then there is no point of keeping the relationship. You’d likely be happier leaving if the relationship was mediocre at best, anyway.
When it comes to relationships, you are supposed to feel loved, happy, and respected. After all, it’s a massive part of your life and well-being. Hence, letting go of a significant one can be challenging, but it should be done if you do not feel comfortable or safe in the relationship. Otherwise, we are only limiting ourselves.
Most importantly, you should respect and love yourself well throughout your experience. Living a happier life means letting go of people and relationships you know are toxic.
If you need an objective viewpoint, we can match you to a private psychotherapist in Singapore and have your session in one of our spacious rooms. Our rooms are designed to help clients feel at home, making them more comfortable in opening up.
For more details, visit our website at https://www.aspacebetween.com.sg/.
No matter what you’re facing, perhaps our website can offer up some solace or comfort. Know that you’re not alone, and that there is help available. This can be hard to keep in mind if you haven’t quite found the right support system. While it’s definitely not easy to find the right fit—whether you’re looking for a support group or a mental health provider—with diligence, it’s totally possible.
If you are a therapist, life coach or counsellor looking to join our growing community, head over to book a tour once you have learnt about the plans we offer. At A Space Between, there is a ready league of providers you can network with. With professionals from various backgrounds and therapy practices, there are bound to be the ones you can connect with. Private practice does not have to be lonely.